How to help another person in order to make them really stronger and happier, let them not to feel regrets afterwards and not to exhaust your own resources? Authors of our service formed the criteria of the right and useful help, for more information about our writers check greatpaper.co.uk/essay-writers.
Do good and good will come back to you. That is what many people say. But sometimes, our good deeds fall into a black hole and come back with thanklessness, resentment and claims. How to avoid getting into such traps and not to become too proud of doing good things? The best way is to make your help anonymous.
Still, we've got some pieces of advice for those who want to help certain people. There are four precise criteria which will help you to help others properly.
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1. Strength or Weakness
Before you start doing good things, ask yourself: "Do I make a person stronger or weaker with my help?" Will he or she become strong and ready to fight life difficulties after receiving your help? Will they adapt to the world, job, survival better after that? Or will they turn into even a weaker victim of circumstances after you help them?
Bad Help Example
Let's imagine a healthy relative who is able to work. He or she constantly watches TV, plays video games or kills time in other ways. But at the same time he or she is short of money because of low salary. He urgently needs to buy something, and you start helping him with your money.
But he could, for example, become a taxi-driver or a loader, make some efforts and earn money for what they need. They could get additional education and make a career.
But they don't want to do anything, they just ask for or even demand your help, because you are richer. If you give them more money in such situation, this will be the promotion of their parasitism. Helping like that will weaken a person.
Good Help Example
During a year, a woman regularly paid expensive dental procedures for a girl from an orphanage. That girl became an actress later. If she didn't receive such help, she could only dream of getting into her favorite job.
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2. Gratefulness or Claim
The second criteria: what the person answers you with. Is he/she grateful or not?
If a person doesn't know how to be grateful, then there'll never be enough of your help for them. Moreover, there will even appear new demands and claims.
Is it worth to continue sacrificing your time, efforts and money? Only if you are a masochist. It is much more pleasant and useful to help people who know how to express their thankfulness.
Bad Help Example
You help someone, and they take it as a common thing, doubtfully saying "Thanks!" and forgetting about you at once. If things go the worst way, they can comply that they need you to dedicate even more time to their troubles. You'd better not have any deals such people if they are somewhere around you.
Good Help Example
The best gratitude for the help is the will to response to it. If you offered a person something good and he/she tried to make something good for you, then your efforts definitely weren't wasted in vain.
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3. Excess or Deficiency
The third point considers feelings which make you do good things. What are your emotions you give something to others? If you give because of feeling complete, fulfilled with something (you are very happy and you share happiness, you have lots of money and you give some to others, you have knowledge and skill and you share them), then this is the right way of doing good.
But if you feel the need in something, but you make yourself give up your last resource to someone, don't do that anymore. Giving something away can be good only if you have enough for yourself.
Bad Help Example
Helping someone because of feeling guilt is useless, no matter what is the reason. You won't become happier if you continue sacrificing yourself again and again. Don't get into fake charity – work on that toxic guilt feeling inside your heart. You need help more than your "wards" do in that case.
Good Help Example
As it has been mentioned above, if you share because of excess, receive thankful words and pleasure because of your deed, you don't get less happiness as a result. The person that receives proper help gets more happiness. The law about conservation of energy doesn't work in this case!
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4. Pleasure or Annoyance
The forth and the main thing here concerns your own feelings. Ask yourself: "Did I like my deed? Do I feel good or there is a feeling like I cheat on myself?" It is important to trust your inner feelings and emotions.
If you feel pleasure when helping, then everything is alright.
You'll learn how to count on a "like" or "dislike" feeling at a certain moment. But if it is not developed yet, check your wish of doing good with the first three points of this article.
Bad Help Example
It is when you give someone your last piece of bread and cry from starvation in the kitchen.
Good Help Example
You share your skills with a young specialist, and you feel satisfaction watching his/her career success. Then you employ them because of being sure in their abilities.
Few Additional Rules
If the someone feels bad and down, and your help can bring them back into the fight – help them! But if you continue helping, and that person only looks around for someone else to ask for additional help, then it is time for you to stop.
Imagine that you have to help someone who was staying in bed for a month due to a spine trauma. He/she is weak, lots of his/her muscles can't function properly. Yes, you can seat him into the wheelchair for a long time. But it is better to stimulate this person to perform more movements. Stay nearby, hold their hand.
Both deeds can be called as "help". But wheelchair case makes human weak for a long time. And stimulation helps to become stronger.
Keep to the principle "there is no past". Invest your efforts and/or money estimating every act of assistance as a separate case.
When taking a decision, don't consider someone's expectations and dreams that have not come true. Take into account only your current wishes and possibilities.
Right help enriches both you and the person who receives it. Learn how to help properly: make the world around you better.