Depression is not just a kind of a bad mood, as people commonly used to think. Depression is a solid reason for a human to visit a psychotherapist. It's a pity, but a doctor is "expensive and I'm freakin' lazy", so the most part of humans go and comply to their friends. Sometimes it really helps. Sometimes it doesn't.
What can be worse than a situation, when you get a set of silly cliche phrases from morning TV-shows instead of real words of support? Greatpaper.co.uk authors tried to describe that.
So, phrases forbidden to say to your depressed friend:
Lots of people feel worse than you
"And lots of them feel much better! Do my troubles disappear because of that?"
Such attempt of comparison can always hurt even the healthy person. And the person in front of you is extremely vulnerable at the moment. If you can't provide support – you better keep silence. Or make any hot drink for a friend, as Sheldon Cooper told to do.
You'll get better tomorrow
"Do you think depression to be a small thing which goes to sleep and doesn't always come back in the morning?"
Someone could offer a cup of tea in this situation. This often helps heroes of TV-series, but practice shows depression does not to leave a person in a day. "Maybe you won't get better tomorrow, but I'm with you and ready to hear you", – this sounds a bit better, doesn't it?
Life is often unfair
"Yes. Am I supposed to get better because of that?"
Appeal to particular worries of the person you want to help. Don't say about abstractions.
You have to deal with this
"I am dealing with this already. Don't you want to listen about how I persuade myself to come out to this world every single morning? This is what called dealing with a depression. Those who didn't make it, are called in other words."
"Have to" are bad. These words are worth to be forbidden. This phrase contains an uncovered twit, meaning "you are not trying hard enough". In case of depression, pressuring the person's self-esteem is not the best thing to wake them up. Something unobtrusive is needed here.
Life goes on
"Oh, really? This is how we call a new set of identical daily cycles?"
No banal things. They make sick. Speak of the news, let them be good and interesting to your friend. It is better if there was a call to action in them. For instance, a music band coming to your neighborhood with a concert is really cool news.
I know what you feel, I had a depression yesterday, too
"Depression is not a kind of one's bad mood. And no, you don't know what I feel."
Not the worst try, but let's change that statement a bit: "I can only guess how you feel, despite the fact I had a tough life period recently, too".
You act like an egoist
"Even the most durable things can break sometimes."
While depressed, a person has limited resource for themselves even. Isn't it egoistic to demand attention for yourself in such situation?
You need to rest well: go to a party and get drunk there
"And for how many weeks should I do like that so it started working?"
No. Just no. You got it already.
Looking at you makes me sad
"Hearing that makes me sad."
Sadness is YOUR trouble, and you want your friend to solve it: "do something so I could look at you with pleasure". Let's try it again: "I can't imagine what you feel, but it seems to me that I feel your pain".
You think this to be a reason for depression?
"You think depression to be one's choice? It just sometimes turns out that way.
Once a depression happened: yes, this is the reason of it. Though, not always being the cause.
Stop pitying on yourself!
"And? You will feel pity on me then?"
Persons in depression don't always feel pity on themselves and don't always feel better because of it. They just try to deal with their feelings and reflect a lot sometimes. Nothing bad is covered here.
You need to go in for sport
"Will you be able to get me off the bed?"
Sports activities really can help. But serious depression makes going out of one's home impossible sometimes. Don't start demanding serious actions from a depressed friend, you better ask them to assist you first. Let them hold a timer, for instance. Show the example, and then Forest will run, have no doubts.
You should go outside more often
"You should do that too. Actually, you can go out right now."
Here is a paradox covered. On one side, social contacts give resources to overcome depression; on the other side, these contacts are something that tires a person. Communication should be strictly dosed, and toxic people are to be avoided.
The others can make it, why you can't then?
"Because I can something they can't, too."
People are different. Where one person starts bending with the pressure, the other can continue standing still. But once, he or she can get tired and break in a need of fixing themselves. This doesn't mean them to be weak. It goes another way: they could be too strong. Just a critical amount of pressure was put.
You'll make it, you're strong
"Yeah-yeah, "hold on" and so on."
With such words, you try to get out of the human with problems. Support provided, the person is assigned to be strong and to deal with it on their own. But your buddy actually needs help. So, just propose it. A little sincere friendship gesture should be quite enough here.