How to Fight with Your College Enemy Without any Problems with Law


Imagine that you are living in Utopia and have no enemies. (Imagine all the people living life in peace...) Sounds tempting, does not it? However, if you had happened to meet the French philosopher, mathematician, and physicist Jean le Rond d'Alembert, he would have convinced you that only mediocrity had no enemies. Now you have two ways: to admit that you are nothing more than mediocrity and start crying or just accept the idea of you having enemies. If you cannot recall them, it does not mean that they do not exist. It means that they are wearing a disguise. Just look around. We are surrounded by our enemies. They are everywhere. For example, in your college. You are living in peace, grinding away at your books, writing essays (they can be written at and all this time they hate you. They are working on their evil plans and you do not even suspect. However, forewarned is forearmed, so now you can set up a strategy to fight with them. Let us look at the most effective ways to deal with your college enemies.

The Ways to Fight


First of all, you can solve the problem radically and kill them all. Quentin the Great says that violence is a form of cinematic entertainment, but if you do it, all bets are off. It is so much better when you play with them (no, we do not mean tortures).

Secondly, you can memorize alchemy and dark arts to cast a perfect spell, which can also lead to tragic after-effects. You can also use poisonous candles, death caps, Borgia’s wine, arsenic, mercury or cicuta (but you also can get poisoned in the process, because fate adores joking). If you doubt it, ask Bonaparte, Socrates and Jeanne d'Albret and they will tell you that it would be better not to risk this way.

Thirdly, you can pretend that your enemy does not exist, or he is wearing an Invisibility Cloak, or he is everywhere and nowhere simultaneously like an electron. Sometimes it works, but there is a slight threat to become a paranoid. Just reread “Harry Potter” and you will find out that there are plenty of reasons to make friends with paranoia. Just imagine when you are alone at home, actually you are not alone. Even now someone invisible (remember that Big Brother really exists) may be standing behind your chair and watching you.

If you want to be gentle because you were reading Dumas greedily all your childhood, you should challenge your enemy to a duel. For sure, you are just a brilliantly good swordsman and incomparably good shooter. If not, just offer him a dance duel. Anyway, he will lose courage and withdraw. If not, be afraid of him. He is a dangerous guy, so hit the road and save your pride. But never give up and search for more ways here.

Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell

Heaven and Hell

Also, you can buy your enemy a one-way ticket to the paradise (living easy, loving free), a seasonal ticket to a one-way ride (no, we do not mean stabbing). Just buy all Lego constructors you can find in the store and offer him to build a stairway to heaven. If he refuses, just tell him: “Okay, do whatever you want but on no account should you build it.” Be sure that he will start immediately and you will not see him before the Last Judgment.

If you want to look like a fossil madman, you can use all these instructions. Otherwise, just realize that it is the XXI century and get disappointed. Just listen to Napoleon Bonaparte and never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Face all the ill-wishers with cool indifference and try to bury the hatchet. Once upon a time Oscar Wilde said that we must forgive our enemies because nothing annoys them so much. Just imagine all the joy you feel while watching their powerless physiognomy. Work with your enemy and make him a partner. You will get a great benefit, earn your brownie points and save one innocent soul from the hell. Maybe, they are envious because of your brilliant achievements or they are just misanthropes who hate the whole humanity. Anyway, it is very profitable to make them your allies. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer and then wait and see. Still in doubt? You never know what you can do until you try.

Perhaps, they are right and there is something wrong with you? Are you just denying the evidence? Maybe, there is a kernel in their criticism and you actually look like the Loch Ness Monster or behave like a pig? Stop and think. Where there is smoke, there is fire. In any situation, behave tactfully. Do not be rude, insolent or enraged. Even if you are not a big fan of etiquette, remember that acting this way, you are revealing yourself to be on the same level with your enemy. Destroying boundaries is marvelous, but not in this case.

Stand up and Fight


Be always ready to cross your swords: a controversy may start at any time. Just be a good strategist and keep a card up your sleeve. You will gain the reputation of a dangerous player and others will avoid messing with you. If you are too lazy to get ready previously, just keep calm and improvise. You are killing. Even if you are not that good in a spontaneous debate, just close your eyes and think of fame, glory and applause. Smile to yourself and keep silence. That is enough to be killing. Now normal people think you are strange, but you are still killing.

Be sure that you are doing great things. That will encourage you and give you the second wind. Help your groupmates to shape their destinies. You can even be the founder of a small matrimonial agency. Certainly, you will be forced to get a license, but just do it.

One more way to conquer their regard is to have a laugh with them. Remember that laughter is a perfect weapon. It is easy to stop hating a person, if they make you laugh all the time. You can even make friends gradually. There is a thin line between love and hate, isn’t there? If it does not work, just reflect all the negative emotions they shed like a big crystal mirror.

So, to become invulnerable, control yourself like a Buddhist monk, tell jokes like a god and get off with a whole skin. You can also bite, chop and stick but are you really looking for problems? If not, just say goodbye to all your bloodthirsty plans, sigh deeply, square your shoulders. Ready? Go ahead! Just remember good old Winston Churchill’s words that if you have enemies, you've stood up for something, sometime in your life”. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names!

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